This year has been harder yet more rewarding than last year. I am mentally struggling a lot more. My content knowledge is solid. I know how to get my students to pass the state test. BUT I am just struggling so hard with dealing with everything mentally.
This is really hard to explain. I suppose at the end of the day I feel like I have more things working against me than with me. Every time I come up with a new idea for in the classroom, something goes wrong. The administration puts obstacles in front of you even when you are trying to work for the students. Working as a teacher I feel like I am bipolar. One day all my classes will come in and shutup, the next day it will be pure chaos. And don’t even tell me that most problems stem from the teacher! When it comes down to it, there are days where the kids are just unruly. Even the good students act out sometimes. So to sum it up, I am over this experience and can’t wait for May 26th.
But this year I have also grown closer to students than I did last year. I am not sure whether its because this is a smaller community or because I have 2 classes with less than 10 students. Either way, it has been really nice to get to know my students outside of their academics. Its not always happy things that I hear about. I’ve had a student talk to me about a house fire that destroyed everything. I had a student talk to me about the loss of his mother and how he was the only one with her at the time. I have had a young mother talk to me about options for her after high school and how to deal with her children’s father. Maybe I am not making big changes but at least I am someone to talk to. Someone who cares. I am a young black female that is saying things differently than they’ve ever heard. I don’t run around using the N word or cursing. I am a teacher and I don’t have 3 or 4 kids hanging off of me. You never know when something you say or do will affect one of the students differently.
This last realization has me thinking about possibly becoming a counselor. Perhaps that is what I will do next in life…
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