Plans for next year?

The only plan for next year that is set in stone is operations “Get the hell out of Mississippi!” Come Memorial Day weekend, I will be travelling back to Northern Virginia. I will be leaving this place for good.

Why am I so hell-bent on getting out of here? It could be because I am tired of being cursed out and made fun of by children. It could be because I am tired of caring more than my students and their parents about their grades. It could be because I am tired of the hoops our administration makes us jump through. It could be because I am tired of mosquitoes. It could be because I am bored out of my mind. It could be because I am so tired of being so far away from my friends and family.

All of those are very real reasons why I want to leave this place. However, the biggest reason is because I hate the person I have become and I can’t imagine staying in a place that has caused me to become this way. I have never felt so much pure, fierce hatred pulse through my veins. Its scary! I never use to say the word hatred because it carries such a strong meaning. But nowadays, when my class wont shut-up or someone is mouthing off, all I can think of is how much I HATE this place or I HATE this person.

I can’t wait to leave this hellhole and rediscover who I am. I told Charlie the other day that I know we spend all this time together and we think we know each other, but really we don’t. All he has really known me as is this woman who hates children and complains about her job all the time. I have never complained about anything this much in my life. I have never been this negative in my life. This is just not me!

I can’t really describe this feeling anymore. I know that as you read this, you may not really understand what I am talking about. Or maybe you are thinking, “Grass is always greener on the other side.” All I know is that currently I am not me. And I am going to do what I need to do. Change what I need to change, in order for me to return to my old self….or rather some semblance of what I use to be.